


the secrets you tell me i'll take to my grave

by deathbysandblk



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: David sleepwalks, Fluff and Humor, M/M, This is just pure silliness tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:55:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21771817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbysandblk/pseuds/deathbysandblk
Summary: Based on the prompt "If you want me, come and get me, motherfuckers!"
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 1
Kudos: 50





	the secrets you tell me i'll take to my grave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [patricksdavid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/patricksdavid/gifts).



> Title is from "Guillotine" by Jon Bellion!

Patrick awoke to a loud stomping noise.  _ What the fuck?  _ Part of him thought he should be more afraid than he felt, but the other part, the very sleepy part, just wanted him to figure out how to get the noise to stop. 

He blinked, desperately trying to wake himself up more, and looked to David’s side of the bed. Surely if the noise had woken him up, it would also wake David up, and they didn’t  _ both  _ need to be sleep-deprived for work the next morning. 

Patrick got a good look at David’s side of the bed, where David should be, all tangled up in bedsheets and sleeping soundly, but Patrick was alarmed to see that David was not there. 

Now he was really starting to get worried. 

He jumped up from their bed and crept sneakily into the living room, where the sound was coming from, hoping that being on tiptoe could help him sneak up on whoever, or whatever, was making the noise. He was surprised to see that the stomping was coming from David.

“David, what are you doing? It’s the middle of the night!”

David didn’t respond and instead said, “If you want me, come get me, motherfuckers!” 

Patrick looked on in shock as David took a fighting stance and bawled his hands into fists, as if ready to punch someone. As soon as he started to move, no doubt to pounce on whoever it was that was after him, Patrick intervened. If he hadn’t, there was no way this scene would’ve played out that wouldn’t have ended in disaster. 

Patrick scooped David up and carried him like a cat all the way back to their bedroom. David yawned and then opened his eyes, blinking rapidly. He looked confusedly up at Patrick and said, “Uh, hi, honey, what are you doing?”

Patrick put him down in their bed and laid down beside him. The two of them laid on their sides facing each other. 

“I think the better question is what were  _ you _ doing? I found you sleep-,” he paused, as if looking for the right word, “fighting someone in the living room? We have been married for a year now and I have never seen you do anything like that. Does this happen often?”

David sighed and said, “I used to sleepwalk a lot as a kid. Adalina started putting childproof locks on the doors because I kept leaving my room to do who-knows-what, but it went away after a while. Or so I thought. Then when I was living in New York, I had several roommates over time who told me they couldn’t be my roommate anymore because of how much it terrified them. It started happening less and less frequently over time. Until I came here. I think the stress of my family losing everything and being so sleep-deprived those first couple of years is what triggered it to come back. But then I met you and we built the store together and our relationship together, and it just stopped happening.”

Patrick smiled at that, but then his face turned to one of concern. “So, what changed then? Is something stressing you out? Are you not sleeping well enough? What can I do to help you?”

David scooted closer to him and kissed him gently. “I think it was just an old fashioned anxiety dream. I’m sorry I never told you about all this, I just honestly thought it was all over with, and you’d never have to witness it.” 

Patrick wrapped David up in his arms. “David, you don’t have to apologize. I love you no matter what and I love learning new things about you each and every day, even if they’re things you’re ashamed of or nervous about me seeing.” It was quiet between them and David wondered if Patrick fell asleep until he said, “So who were you fighting?”

“Sorry?”

“In your dream, who were you fighting? I can help take them out!”

David blushed and looked away. “It’s really embarrassing.”

“Aww, I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

“You’re going to think it’s so silly.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, David.”

A hint of a smile appeared on David’s face and then he burst out laughing.

“What? What is it?”

“It  _ is _ silly, and I want to tell you. I was invited to some red carpet event and I decided to go with a new ‘out there’ look, but the fashion police were  _ not _ having it! A video of them belittling and mocking my outfit went viral, Patrick! Viral! It was seen by everyone and they all were making fun of me and I just couldn’t take it! So I went to twitter and I tweeted that anyone who didn’t like my outfit could come fight me, and then all of a sudden,  _ all  _ of these people came out of nowhere to fight me, so embracing that I had taken on too much, and was indeed going to die, I yelled out ‘if you want me, come and get me, motherfuckers” and tried to get in my best fighting position. I wanted to seem like I exuded confidence even though I  _ absolutely  _ did not.”

David started laughing again and Patrick joined in, the two of them laughing and laughing until they couldn’t breathe. Once he regained his breath, Patrick looked at David and said, “You know no matter what you wear that I will always love you. And I love your clothes, David. You’re so fashionable! Hell, anybody who doesn’t see that is gonna have to fight  _ me _ !”

“My hero,” David muttered as his eyes started drooping and he fell back asleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr @steviebuddisalesbian


End file.
